New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
