oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize