I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
