Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My cat gives me a boner
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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