last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
