will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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