just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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