I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
