why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
