Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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