so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
