yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
