Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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