I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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