What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
