I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
