One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
