Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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