stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
