i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
