we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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