I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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