if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
