Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
