Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
