Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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