dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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