If that was your dad, he is hot
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
