you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
