Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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