the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
