Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
