I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize