Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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