if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Michael Bay diarrhea
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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