Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
