im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Soap is not a condiment
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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