just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
