i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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