OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
