shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
