In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
