i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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