Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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