If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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