I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
