i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
