My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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