wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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