Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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