He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
