So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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