as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
