I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
