I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
