gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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