i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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