Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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