theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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