Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
