Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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