you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
