he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
