Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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