I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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