Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
