I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
