I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
