i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
