She's JV to your varsity
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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