On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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