my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
