Well apparently he's into motor boating.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Pants are for mortals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
