Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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